l’m already seeing by yesterday’s visual diary entries what’s opening and why. The one I shared yesterday, I did writing working with that piece and my ‘mother’ was shown in it. Heavy subject. Both my parents are narcissists.
Being raised by narcissists does something to a child for life that will take more than a post for me to explain. Being the scapegoat of the family breaks a part of you that I wonder will ever be healed. I’m not sure on that one yet but I will say I’m positive that I can.
A post I shared with my friends yesterday on toxic amnesia opened the wound further in a good way. It’s pulling apart this wound and it feels good.
You see, when you’re raised by narcs there’s always a big piece of you that thinks it’s all your fault why your family can’t love you.
Years of head fucking, abuse and manipulation does that to a child. Why I’m so passionate to help where I can those that have lived in dysfunctional homes. It also helps heal that piece of me seeing them free. If I can see the truth in them clearly, it helps to see that inside of me. The wound is deep and there’s layers of confusion particularly around deserving love. I was always told ‘I don’t deserve it.’
This photo I took on my afternoon walk a few days ago and I love it, it goes with this post.
I spent most of my time alone growing up outside and this reminds me of the flowers and trees I would converse with and the innocence and purity before she was told she’s not lovable.
It’s a raw journey as real healing is. Hope it helps even one person out there to know if you’ve lived this too you’re not alone.