l’m already seeing by yesterday’s visual diary entries what’s opening and why. The one I shared yesterday, I did writing working with that piece and my ‘mother’ was shown in it. Heavy subject. Both my parents are narcissists.

Being raised by narcissists does something to a child for life that will take more than a post for me to explain. Being the scapegoat of the family breaks a part of you that I wonder will ever be healed. I’m not sure on that one yet but I will say I’m positive that I can.
A post I shared with my friends yesterday on toxic amnesia opened the wound further in a good way. It’s pulling apart this wound and it feels good. 
You see, when you’re raised by narcs there’s always a big piece of you that thinks it’s all your fault why your family can’t love you. 

Years of head fucking, abuse and manipulation does that to a child. Why I’m so passionate to help where I can those that have lived in dysfunctional homes. It also helps heal that piece of me seeing them free. If I can see the truth in them clearly, it helps to see that inside of me. The wound is deep and there’s layers of confusion particularly around deserving love. I was always told ‘I don’t deserve it.’

This photo I took on my afternoon walk a few days ago and I love it, it goes with this post.
I spent most of my time alone growing up outside and this reminds me of the flowers and trees I would converse with and the innocence and purity before she was told she’s not lovable.

It’s a raw journey as real healing is. Hope it helps even one person out there to know if you’ve lived this too you’re not alone.


The Beginning

When you get that feeling things are changing and it looks like the path way ahead is clear. So you make the decision to follow what you feel and it includes being lost in your own wilderness for some time until you actually can see why being lost was needed.

This is exactly how I was feeling when I took this photograph.

The Beginning.

Dead Twisted

I love taking photos of nature most people miss. I watch most of the time people in nature obsessed with their phones instead of nourishing themselves. I feel sad for the planet that most people have lost their way and miss the small and simple things that make life rich.

Like this below. Twists and curves of what is no longer living.